So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
