This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
