Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
