My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
we should paint friendship bongs
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
