thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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