i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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