god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
