I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
