I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
