I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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