how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
