Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
