wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
