apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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