I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Come see our sink grown plant.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
