NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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