Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
