He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
