He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
My cat gives me a boner
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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