i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
