Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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