i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
