Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
