Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
