Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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