its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
