I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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