You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Dick very happy bro
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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