I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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