woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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