Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
