So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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