Why are handjobs necessary in class?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I want her autograph on my taint
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
