What a fucking waste of an outfit
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
This is the high leading the old right now
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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