I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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