I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
