we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
