True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
