I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
3pm strippers are depressing
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
