Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
