so that wasnt chicken after all
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
the day after is always just damage control
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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