My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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