I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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