Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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