i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
