I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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