and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
