Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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