He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
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