He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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