Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
