she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
