can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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