She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
